some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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