rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
