She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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