Having a random hookup so left but love u
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
