I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
