grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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