if you like me you must not know who I am
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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