apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
