One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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