There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
