So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
