You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
