As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
