He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
