you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
