You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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