Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
