Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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