i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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