so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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