Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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