As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
