is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
