what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am naked and annoyed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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