Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
