worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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