Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
