im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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