covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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