Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
