oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
