Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
