Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
