I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
