I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
