first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
