I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You may now shotgun with the bride
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
