the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
