I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
