Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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