got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
