did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
