why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
