and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
