You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
