My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
