it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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