my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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