Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
