my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
