I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
