Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
