i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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