I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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